Couples Therapy

Couples Therapy

I integrate somatic therapy with attachment practices in couples therapy. I facilitate a constructive exploration of feelings, sensations, beliefs, and deeply embedded behavioral patterns.
couple in couples therapy

In couples therapy we often see that one or both people grew up with some form of adversity. Therefore, we may have bypassed important developmental experiences of feeling cared for, our emotions or ideas considered. Most importantly, I help struggling couples move through their tangled adversity and enter into loving relationship. If you are out of the area please consider: Online Couples Therapy.

How do I do this? We begin by slowing our dialogue down, clarifying, and inviting mutual reflection of each vulnerable share. Consequently, this helps couples experience respect, feel emotionally cared for, and safe from within the relationship. This also increases understanding and connection. Reactivity in a couple may be a sign of complex trauma.

With traumatic stress it is difficult to get the support some couples need.

Difficulty in relationship is often due to emotional triggers from a past difficult relationship. If unresolved, triggers of emotional pain can quickly escalate stress activation from a simple disagreement. This can be very confusing for both partners.

It is very common for both partners to be carrying this kind of unresolved emotional pain. Furthermore, it is a recipe for volatility, divorce, emotional or physical abuse, and affairs. Even in couples with a long-term friendship, great sexual chemistry, and deep love, trauma can interfere.

Couples therapy is an option to heal from previous undiscovered wounds inflamed by the difficult dynamic. Consequently, we may also deepen the current relationship by asking for the love, care, respect, or quality of attention we dissociated around wanting as children. Finally, we express our needs. Not in an angry, resentful, whose ‘right or wrong’ way. But in a compassionate, gentle, courageous and loving way.

Why is it important to see a couples therapist trained in trauma?

Many couples in counseling have experienced that their therapist too much focused on problem solving. This may have worked in the moment. As a result, without establishing an understanding as to why the communication is breaking down in the first place, it is only a crutch. Due to, it is my belief, that relationship challenges are meant to unveil and empower our greatest self.

Understanding the roots of quickly escalating reactivity when our relationships turn stressful, gives us a sense of control, compassion, and safety. Thereby finding a solid ground to stand on as we work through challenging issues.

As we enter into new relationships, difficult patterns of relating from the past may move to the forefront of our life again. Noteworthy, it is how the psyche is asking for renegotiation. Without the careful support of “sensing into” our earlier somatic patterns of relating, however, we go on repeating them. Consequently, when we are hurt, and feel trapped, or that we have no choice, we fight back. For that reason, the overwhelming emotional pain makes it hard to explore clear, compassionate communication. Understandably, this may lead to a loss of connection, intimacy, and understanding.

Healing through Couples Therapy

Healing in couples therapy is about discovering new choices, new options for loving and spacious connection. Also, slowing down and completing emotional pain responses from early attachment issues opens up more choice and ways of relating. As a result, our whole self feels valued, respected, and honored. We learn not to just manage but to thrive in relationship.

Finally, conflict of differences can be seen as an opportunity for further creative solutions for collaboration, respect, and inclusion. Hence, part of the work of healing will be to recognize the difference between when we didn’t have choice, and the choices available to us right now. Couples therapy can do this. Feel free to reach out for a free phone consultation.

FOR COUPLES THERAPY IN OAKLAND OR BERKELEY
Contact Joel: 510-229-9765 Oakland Office

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